The hardest penance of all.....
The sheer hypocrisy, the persons designated as the conduit to God and the absolver of sins are themselves the sinners, the utter irony of the situation is not lost on me or others it's no wonder we are “lapsed”. For years I have carried around a guilt imposed on me as a child by an institution which is nothing short of a cult, explore your natural curiosity on sexual matters, nudity, masturbation etc. It's a sin, take something doesn't belong to you, it's a sin, shout an obscenity, it's a sin, its behaviour such as this that places such a burden on the youngest and most vulnerable in society and in many cases at the behest of their parents, “you will go to mass on Sunday, you will study your Catechism you will be an Altar boy”..... At this point I want to make light of it “ I don't want to go mummy it makes my bum sore” but I shouldn't because it's such a serious betrayal of trust, I'm one of the lucky ones I was shielded from it by an older boy who warned me in graphic detail, I was seven years old for fucks sake. The guilt I carry and mentioned earlier is also for a younger peer who didn't get the warning and suffered because of it I still often wonder is there anything I could have done to save him from the depravity. I'm afraid because I didn't fully understand the implication, I did nothing, I was literally too busy saving my own ass, although at the time I didn't know it. The Church, the Catholic one in particular needs to look in on itself and purge the offenders and not offer them sanctuary or protection. The common question posed in the media on a regular basis is why are people turning their backs on religion, I think I've come close to answering that particular question....